continuing education

i'm shocked at how we've become such sheep. if we don't peg ourselves correctly upon graduation from high school we're screwed. foolishly when i was in high school i didn't think i was smart enough to be a scientist. and nobody ever told me i was. so now that i'm 30 it occurs to me that i am too smart to be only an artist, and yet not creative enough to be only an artist. but i'm screwed because i have wasted so much time in an industry and a job that has no real chance for progression and advancement. but it's hard to go back to school, not least because i've learned to like not being a student, but also because i've developed a real tie to having a job. it's not just that i would have to give up cable and my cell phone- i have a mortgage, and insurance and a car payment, and all that happy horseshit that happens to a person after they rushed to graduate from college.

how am i going to go back to a full time college program, and yet still afford to pay all those things? the answer? i'm not. i can't. it's almost impossible. i could cry right now. i mean really cry. i am so screwed and stuck in a dead end situation and there is really no hope of getting out of it.

i think i might be having another midlife crisis.